Keeping the Marriage Alive: Couple Meetings

It is so important to me that my husband and I keep our marriage a top priority!  We see so many people divorcing, and it breaks our hearts.  We both came from divorced families.  So when we got married we promised each other to work through anything because this marriage is forever.  Some of the things we do to keep our marriage alive are allowing open communication, going to bed at the same time every night, (almost) weekly date nights, and having a weekly couple meeting,

When you know that you aren't going to be left for expressing your opinion - positive or negative - it makes it so much easier to have open communication.  And it allows you to feel so free and loved when you don't have to hide who you are from your spouse!

We make a point to go to bed at the same time as each other because it helps maintain intimacy.  Whether we go to bed and read or go to bed and sleep, having you spouse there is a wonderful feeling.

We try to have weekly date nights.  Sometimes these are going out without the kids, sometimes it is a family date, and sometimes it is a mini date at home after the boys are asleep.  It is so important to keep your romance alive through the hustle and bustle of work, children, and household obligations.

More on those three things in future posts, but today I want to talk about couple meetings.  These are a great way to check in on each other and the marriage.  Each week on Wednesday night after the boys are in bed, we sit together on the couch or in our bed with no TV, no radio, and no computer.  I have a notepad that sits on our refrigerator during the week, and I use it to take notes.  Everyone's couple meeting looks different.  The important part is to make sure you both have an opportunity to be heard.

Our meeting starts with a weekly check-in.  We both read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman and determined our own love languages.  Now each week we ask each other how full the love tank is.  We compare it to the previous week and try to determine what worked to raise it or why it decreased.  Then we each give our high point and low point for the week.  These may relate to each other, but they can be about anything (kids, work, friends, other family, etc.).

After our weekly check-in, we discuss the week's marriage builder.  For example, the first month we did these meetings, we discussed The Five Love Languages and the languages of apology.  We made lists of what would help fill each of our love tanks.  A future plan for a marriage builder is to keep a journal on the fridge in which we would each write a weekly letter to each other (more on that in another post).  Another future marriage builder we have planned is to read and discuss Mapping the Terrain of the Heart::Passion, Tenderness, and the Capacity to Love by Stephen Goldbart and David Wallin.  Currently we are doing 15 Minute Marriage Makeover.  It doesn't matter what your marriage builder is as long as it is something that helps you focus on keeping your marriage strong or improving areas that could use a little help.


After our marriage builder, we take care of household business.  We talk about the kids - some weeks it's about Monkey Man's eating (he's a notoriously picky eater) or Squeaky Bear's difficulty separating from me and some week's it's about their new accomplishments.  It's basically a check-in on how things are going with the kids and what we need to work on with them.  Then we talk about the budget.  We're in the process of moving our funds from a bank to a credit union, I have some side jobs that bring in income that's not budgeted, we're deciding if we can afford baby #3, etc.  He earns most of the money, and I make sure the bills get paid and the shopping is done, so we check in so that he knows what's going on with our finances.

Finally we work on our weekly to do lists.  We check that we did everything on last week's list (this is why the notepad hangs on the fridge - easy access to check what's on our list).  Then we make a list for the new week.  These are tasks in addition to our normal daily tasks.  For instance, one week G's list was to hang bookshelves in the boys' room and to clear out the compost pile.  My list was to hang the chore chart and work on a new way of organizing the boys' room.


We also leave room for anything else that comes up to be discussed.  Since we have started doing these weekly meetings our relationship seems stronger than ever.  And you can tell when we've skipped our meetings because things just don't flow as easily.


Do you make a point to have a "meeting" with your spouse?  How often?