The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Let me start by saying this book changed my marriage.  So much for burying the lead, right?  But it did.  My husband and I were not speaking the same language, and it can be really hard to love someone when it feels like they don't love you.  But now, he knows how to show me love in my language, and I know when he is showing me love in his language.  And I try really hard to show him love in his language, but I know that when I slip up and do it in my language instead, he still gets the message.

So what is this book all about?  What are these languages?  Gary Chapman has found that most people experience love in some combination of five ways, which he refers to as languages.  These languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Acts of Service

3. Gifts

4. Physical Touch

5. Quality Time

There is a test you can take on the website, www.5lovelanguages.com to determine your love language.  I definitely recommend reading the book as well because Chapman really goes into detail on what each of these languages mean, how to show love to someone who experiences it through each language, and how to avoid hurting someone who experiences it through each of these languages.  My test results revealed my primary love language to be acts of service, followed closely (1 point less) by words of affirmation.  My husband's love language is physical touch by a long shot!  So it makes sense that we weren't feeling loved by each other.  We just weren't speaking each others' languages.

After reading The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, we were able to modify our behavior.  It wasn't easy.  It definitely took time, but talking about it and reminding each other was helpful.  We also incorporated it into our couple meetings and gave each other tips about what would make us feel loved the following week.  So I might say, "I would feel loved if you would take out the trash when you see it is full,"  or "I would feel loved if you would make a verbal acknowledgment that all of the dishes were clean and dinner was ready when you got home."  While he would say, "I would feel loved if you would hold my hand while we watch our favorite TV show one night."

So give it a try with your spouse/partner.  Take the test, read the book, and learn to speak his or her language!  You will be amazed with the growth of your relationship.

As a side note, there is also The 5 Love Languages of Children.  I haven't read this one, but I hear it is really helpful if you are having trouble reaching your children.  And it makes sense that it would be.  Our children have their own love languages too!  The website has a test for your kids to determine their love languages as well.

Have you read either of these books?  What did you think about it?  Did it help you in your relationships?  Leave a comment and let us know!