Parent Grades

I gave my six year old a test. Well, sort of. It was more of a test for me. I found these parent report cards online. You give them to your children and they grade you on a wide range of parenting skills, from playing with the child enough to not texting while driving. As I handed him the test, I prepared myself to be shown as the failure I feel like I am.

You see, I spend a lot of time thinking about all of the things I do wrong in my life, especially in parenting. I don’t play with the kids enough. I don’t cook enough from scratch. I don’t take them to enough fun places. I don’t pull out the crafts enough. I don’t teach them enough. It goes on and on, this endless list of all the ways I’m failing my children.

But as I went down the list, I saw A after A. To be fair, he did give me one B (for not teaching him the importance of being on time). Despite all my faults, all my failings, all my shortcomings, despite everything I see myself doing wrong, my son thinks I’m doing a good job, a great one even. It was a wonderful feeling, but I still felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I wasn’t enough of a mom for my kids. Their friends have better parties, better crafts, better meals. Better moms.

Because in this world of Pinterest and Facebook, the grass on the other side is not only greener, but it sparkles with glitter. And it’s hard sometimes, to remember that being a good parent doesn’t mean having a perfectly manicured lawn or a Martha Stewart house. It’s not about homemade meals and fancy crafts. It’s the quality time we spend with our kids. It’s the love we show them. The joy we share. It's the way we listen to them tell the same story for the hundredth time or answer their “why” for the thousandth… that day. It’s the simple things.

Think back to your own childhood. What are your favorite memories? For me, they don’t involve elaborate crafts or gourmet meals. My fondest memories are just hanging out, spending time with friends or talking with my mom about nothing or everything. It didn’t matter.

It’s not the things we buy them. It’s not the number of toys or the cost of their wardrobe. It’s that we care and that we show them that every single day, but not in every moment because we are human. And showing them that we are human is beneficial in itself. We will mess up, all of us. And that’s okay because the moments we show them that we love them will certainly outweigh the times we get it wrong.

Suicide and Depression

Is suicide selfish? Maybe. I mean, selfish means lack of consideration for others, and if someone commits suicide without considering how it will impact their family and friends, then I suppose that makes it selfish. I think most people who commit suicide do think about the impact though. They just can't take it anymore; they see no other way. Maybe they even think it will be better for those they leave behind if they are no longer there.

You know what is definitely selfish? Telling someone that they should continue to live their life in pain and misery because it will hurt you too much for them to be gone. Yep, that's selfish. Now, I'm not saying that anyone should kill themselves. I don't think it should be glamorized or romanticized because suicide isn't pretty. It's terrible. But it's probably not selfish.

Is suicide taking the easy way out? I can see how it looks like that on the surface. I mean, life sucks so you end it. That seems pretty easy. But when you really look at it, is it so easy? It has to be incredibly difficult to actually follow through and kill yourself. I mean, you have to be at a really low point and have absolutely no hope that things could ever possibly get better. You have to say goodbye to all of the people you love and know you will miss their futures. You have to acknowledge that they will go on without you. And then you still have to actually perform the act. That doesn't sound easy.

All of these snide remarks about people who have committed suicide do nothing to help anyone. At all. You know who they hurt? Everyone. Yep, the survivors of attempted suicide, those left behind by someone who saw no other way out, those who watched as a loved one made a suicide attempt, and those who are depressed and see no other way.

Depression is a serious mental illness. It is not something you choose, and once it takes hold of you, your choices are not yours. Depression affects your brain. Know what your brain does? It allows you to think, process, problem-solve, and make good choices. Depression can put a halt to all of that. It is a dark cloud that penetrates into all of your thoughts, and you can't make it stop no matter how badly you want to.

So stop saying that people are selfish. Stop saying that they are taking the easy way out. Start listening, really listening. Be there. Choose love. Always.

Yes, I realize a lot of this post is snippy and that goes against my choose love motto. I am not taking the time to control my emotions and write in a balanced way. Wanna know why? Because it is too personal. I live every day in fear that a loved one is going to give up. I live every day wondering if I will ever see that loved one again or if we've already shared our final goodbye. I live every single day fearing that that dark cloud has grown too big and blocked the view of all the other options.

And if this person were to end it all, I would not find them selfish. I have watched the struggle to regain control and find happiness. I have seen the consideration paid to those who would be left behind. I've heard the list of ways it would hurt everyone around this person. I know that committing suicide would not be taking the easy way out.

And every single day I pray that it does not happen. Because selfishly, I would rather my loved one live in pain and misery than be gone from my life forever.

Grieving the Loss of a Dream

There's something we don't often talk about in parenting circles – the completion of your family before you are ready. Sure, we talk about miscarriages, stillbirths, babies who have lived only hours or days, but we don't talk about the babies who were never conceived in the first place. At least not the ones who were to be younger siblings to those children we have already birthed.

I have no doubt that carrying a baby in your womb or knowing that one grows in your wife's and then losing the baby is an indescribably painful loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing your child minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years after they were born. I am in no way trying to minimize those tragedies.

There is a population of women and men, who desperately want to conceive a child and cannot. For those who are infertile, we wait with them to see if this month will be their chance, if this month will bring their joy. And we grieve with them each month that the pregnancy test fails to show two glorious lines. I've always felt empathy towards these individuals, who wanted nothing more than to be called mom or dad. And in a way, I've joined them. But not fully. You see, I have two of the most amazing little boys in the world, but I long for the third child I will never have.

Before we married, my husband and I discussed the number of children we wanted to have. He wanted two, and I wanted three. We compromised as those in relationships are apt to do. We would have at least two, and if circumstances were such that we felt we could be good parents to three, we would have another. After my son was born, I knew that even three wouldn't be enough. I wanted five children. My husband was pretty sure three would be his limit, so while I joked about getting pregnant with twins or triplets the third time around, I knew that I would never have more than three children.

When we became pregnant with our second child, my husband expressed his concern about having a third. He wasn't sure it was a financially sound decision, given that I had become a stay-at-home mom, and he wasn't entirely certain he could handle being a father of three. So we made another compromise. If baby #2 was a boy, we would try for a third. If baby #2 was a girl, our family would be complete. We welcomed our second son in November 2010.

I was so happy with our two sons, and I couldn't wait to bring another amazing little person into the world. But in early 2013, we learned that my body wasn't meant to carry anymore children. I have spent the last year and a half wondering what I did wrong. I have questioned every choice I have ever made. Was I not a good enough mom? Was it the years of birth control ironically taken to save my remaining ovary so that I could one day conceive a child? Was there anything I could have done to prevent this? I'll never know. I realize that, and yet every night I beg and plead and hope that I will magically see those two elusive lines one day. I have never wanted anything more.

But to those I tell that I cannot have another baby, I receive replies that are meant to be supportive, but ultimately rip my heart in two. 

“At least you have your boys.”

“Some people don't get to have even one baby.”

“Two is a good number.”

"Your family is perfect as it is."

I love my sons, and wanting another child does not lessen that love. In fact, it is quite likely that I want another baby because I love my children so much. How can I look at them and see all of their wonder and beauty and kindness and brilliance and not want to create another?

I know there are others out there like me, others whose families were deemed complete before they were ready for them to be. To you I can only say, I feel the deepest sadness for you, and I hope you find peace. I know that one or two or even ten isn't the number of children you dreamed of. I know that you didn't have the opportunity to complete your family as you wanted. And your feelings are valid. It's okay to grieve the loss of something you never had. The loss of the potential to fulfill a dream. And it's okay to hate the world and the universe and even your own body for failing you. Just remember to love yourself because no matter what caused your infertility, you are still worthy. You are still valuable. You are still perfect in all your human imperfection.

Perfect Conditions

"You can't sit around waiting for perfect conditions, or you'll never get anything done."

I'm sure we've all heard it a thousand times. And on some level, I'm sure we all believe it too. But still, we make excuses.

"After the baby is born, I'll have more time."

"Once I graduate, I'll focus on my family."

"The next promotion will mean enough money to get started."

"When the kids are older..."

"When I quit my job..."

"Next year it will happen."

"Next week will be better."

"I'll start tomorrow."

But guess what?  Each time one of these creeps up on us, it's met with a new stipulation.  And somehow years have passed, and we haven't accomplished our goals.  Tomorrow never came.

Life is finite, and not only is it finite, it's short.  Really, really short. But we piddle away the minutes on mindless games and wasted what ifs.

I'm ready to change that.

Not because conditions are perfect.  Not even because one of my stipulations has been met.  But because I deserve it, my family - my husband, my kids - we all deserve it.  What is this "it" I am so sure we deserve?  It's not perfection, but it's the closest I can provide.

We deserve healthy, home-cooked meals.  We deserve fit bodies that can carry us through however many years we have left.  I deserve a chance to be me and not just my husband's wife and my sons' mom.  They deserve a mom and wife who's happy and not as stressed as the one they have now.

Striving for perfection - that's stressful.  If you're anything like me, the thought of it shuts you down.  So I won't strive to be perfect, but I will promise to do the best I can every moment of every day.  I will promise to go easy on myself and stop beating myself up when my best is not as good as I think it should be and when it's not 100% of my resources.  Because sometimes to be the best I can for them means saving a little piece for me.

So I'm replacing my "what ifs", my "when conditions are perfects", and my "if I can't do it perfectly, I might as well quits" with this new daily mantra.

Today I will wake up and be ready to give it my all.

Today I will give my husband and children the attention and love they deserve.

Today I will work hard to make our house a home.

Today I will exercise and nourish my body with healthy food.

Today I will strive for excellence in everything I do.

Today I will prepare for tomorrow.

Today I will take the steps necessary to meet my goals.

Today I will forgive myself for my shortcomings.

Today I will not let my guilt and fear of failure hold me back.

Today I will love me."

So there it is in black and white - the promise I make to myself every morning when I wake up.  I encourage all of you to create your own daily mantra.  Positive thoughts lead to positive actions.  When we let go of fear, guilt, and regret, we are able to move forward and make the most of this finite life we've been given.

Why I Allow My Kids to Question Me

People often ask me why I allow my children to question my directions. There are several reasons. The first of which is that I don’t know what they will face in their lifetimes, and I want them to be prepared. If they always get their answers and instructions from me, they won’t know how to make decisions for themselves. I want them to know how to apply their moral framework to the situation and decide what is best. I am imparting my morals to them each day as they watch me live my life. And because I believe my morals are the right way to live (or else I wouldn’t believe in them), I hope that my children choose to adopt the same morals in their lives. But if they don’t, I accept that they are individuals living their own lives.

The second reason is again because I don’t know what they will face in their lifetimes. Will there be another Hitler? Another period of slavery? Or something else entirely? I believe that by allowing my children to question my instructions rather than blindly following authority, they will be less likely to engage in unethical behavior just because an authority figure tells them to. I want my children to be the ones using their house as a stop on the Underground Railroad instead of hunting people who are running for their freedom. I want my children to be the ones who say, “No, I will not kill that person just because they are different than me,” instead of capturing and torturing innocent men, women, and children.

My third reason is simple. I want my children to learn the appropriate way to question authority. I want them to learn that while they won’t always agree with what is being done, there is a certain level of respect that all people deserve. I want them to remember that even when there are disagreements that the other person still deserves that level of respect.

Yes, I am the mother, and yes, they should do what I tell them. But they should only do it if it is right. I make mistakes just like every other human being on this planet. And my fourth reason for allowing them to question me is that I want them to see what happens when you make a mistake. I want them to see me listen to their concerns, consider what they have to say, and then make a decision. I want them to see me stick to what I believe in. I want them to see me change my mind when I am being unreasonable. I want them to see sincere apologies – both in word and action. I want them to be able to witness humility in a safe environment. And I want them to know that it’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to get caught up in a situation. It is even normal to do so. Most importantly, I want them to see that what makes it okay is the way you respond when you realize your mistake because I want my children to be able to admit when they’ve messed up. I want them to be able to say, “I screwed up. I’m sorry. Here’s what I am going to do to make this right, and here’s how I am going to try to prevent it happening again.” And then I want them to follow through on those words.

I want all of these things for my children because the world has enough people who blindly follow authority. The world has enough people who fall into the herd mentality and just do what everyone else is doing. I want to raise leaders. I want to raise people who will make a difference. And I don’t want to do what everyone has always done because I don’t want things to be the way they have always been.

Can We Be Friends with Our Kids and Still Be an Effective Parent?

There's a myth that goes around parenting circles.  That myth is that parents cannot be friends with their kids and still be a "good" parent.  What makes a good parent is totally up for debate, but that is another topic for another day.  In order to really deconstruct this myth we must first look at what it means to be a friend.

I believe a friend is someone you can count on, someone who is there for you in times of need, someone who you enjoy being around, and someone you can trust.  But maybe that's not what a friend really is, so we turn to the handy dictionary.com for a definition.

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious society of Friends; a Quaker.

Tossing out the 3 definitions that don't really apply (2, 4, and 5), we are left with attachment based on feelings of affection or personal regard and being on good terms rather than being hostile.  While these don't fit my exact description of a friend, I think they do fall into the general terms.

A friend is a positive relationship.  So why are so many people so insistent that being a friend and being a parent are mutually exclusive? 

I'm not saying you should hit up the clubs with your teen every weekend (or any weekend) or that you should buy a keg and chat with them.  I'm not even saying you should always let them have their way or always be happy with them.  What I am saying is that it is time we break down this barrier between parents and children.

There is no reason we can't be friends and parents.  If we want our children to trust us, talk to us, come to us with their problems, maybe we should try a little harder to listen to them, trust them, and talk with them instead of at them.

Are there limits to this parent-child friendship?  Absolutely.  This is where common sense has to come into play.  While I want our children to come to us with their problems, I do not condone parents dumping their problems on their children.  While I want our kids to enjoy spending time with us, I do not think parents should compromise their values to make the time enjoyable.

Research shows time and time again that we learn better through positive interactions than negative interactions.  Friendship provides plenty of opportunities for positive interactions.  We just have to let go of the stigma that friendship in a parent-child dyad is a bad thing.

What do you think?  Can you be a friend to your children and still be an effective parent?

Oklahoma's Deadly Tornadoes

Moore has been hit... again.  Following a similar path to the devastating tornado of May 3, 1999, this tornado has taken homes, taken lives, and taken innocence.  But what can you say?  What can you do? 

Our hearts break for those who lost everything, for those who lost anything.  And we breathe a sigh of relief for each person who is pulled out of the wreckage alive.  The healing will take time, but Oklahomans are strong.  We come together in times like this.  Unfortunately, we have been through many tragedies in our state.  Our home.  Home should be safe, but when it's not, it's nice to have family to turn to.  Family you don't know, family you've never met, family who share this great home.  And that's what Oklahomans are.  We're one big family who fight and argue and debate over the most unimportant things (and some pretty important issues too), but when it comes to devastating tragedies, we pull together.  We help each other, and we never back down.

And our family in Shawnee has been hit as well.  And Newcastle.  And we will help them too.

Thoughts of healing and hope go out to all who have been affected by the storms Sunday and Monday.  We'll get through this... just like we always do.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Let me start by saying this book changed my marriage.  So much for burying the lead, right?  But it did.  My husband and I were not speaking the same language, and it can be really hard to love someone when it feels like they don't love you.  But now, he knows how to show me love in my language, and I know when he is showing me love in his language.  And I try really hard to show him love in his language, but I know that when I slip up and do it in my language instead, he still gets the message.

So what is this book all about?  What are these languages?  Gary Chapman has found that most people experience love in some combination of five ways, which he refers to as languages.  These languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Acts of Service

3. Gifts

4. Physical Touch

5. Quality Time

There is a test you can take on the website, www.5lovelanguages.com to determine your love language.  I definitely recommend reading the book as well because Chapman really goes into detail on what each of these languages mean, how to show love to someone who experiences it through each language, and how to avoid hurting someone who experiences it through each of these languages.  My test results revealed my primary love language to be acts of service, followed closely (1 point less) by words of affirmation.  My husband's love language is physical touch by a long shot!  So it makes sense that we weren't feeling loved by each other.  We just weren't speaking each others' languages.

After reading The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, we were able to modify our behavior.  It wasn't easy.  It definitely took time, but talking about it and reminding each other was helpful.  We also incorporated it into our couple meetings and gave each other tips about what would make us feel loved the following week.  So I might say, "I would feel loved if you would take out the trash when you see it is full,"  or "I would feel loved if you would make a verbal acknowledgment that all of the dishes were clean and dinner was ready when you got home."  While he would say, "I would feel loved if you would hold my hand while we watch our favorite TV show one night."

So give it a try with your spouse/partner.  Take the test, read the book, and learn to speak his or her language!  You will be amazed with the growth of your relationship.

As a side note, there is also The 5 Love Languages of Children.  I haven't read this one, but I hear it is really helpful if you are having trouble reaching your children.  And it makes sense that it would be.  Our children have their own love languages too!  The website has a test for your kids to determine their love languages as well.

Have you read either of these books?  What did you think about it?  Did it help you in your relationships?  Leave a comment and let us know!

World Breastfeeding Week

Did you know that it is World Breastfeeding Week?  I didn't even know such a thing existed until a couple of weeks ago, but apparently this is the 20th time it has been held.  So what is World Breastfeeding Week?

"World Breastfeeding Week is celebrated every year from 1 to 7 August in more than 170 countries to encourage breastfeeding and improve the health of babies around the world. It commemorates the Innocenti Declaration made by WHO and UNICEF policy-makers in August 1990 to protect, promote and support breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is the best way to provide newborns with the nutrients they need. WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding until a baby is six months old, and continued breastfeeding with the addition of nutritious complementary foods for up to two years or beyond."

*From http://www.who.int/mediacentre/events/annual/world_breastfeeding_week/en/index.html

Now, let's remember this is not about moms and their choices.  This is about babies, children, and the future.  There is rarely a person who will say breastfeeding is no better than formula, and I have never heard a person claim that formula is actually better than breastfeeding.  So let's put the mommy wars aside and really think about this mission.

Breastfeeding provides babies with milk from the source, ever-changing composition that grows with the child!  It provides a connection between mom and baby that is, frankly, an amazing thing to be a part of.  And you know what?  It's the right of mothers and babies to have this bond and share these moments.  It is the right of every mother and baby to breastfeed, and we should start treating it that way.  With rights come support systems.  Everyone has a right to food, so when a member of our society struggles to afford food, we give them access to WIC, SNAP, and food banks.  Everyone has a right to medical care, so when someone has an accident or illness and struggles to afford the necessary care, we provide them with access to medicaid, low-cost clinics, or pro-bono services.  So if breastfeeding is a right, then when someone struggles with breastfeeding, we should provide them with access to information, support, assistance, Supplemental Nursing Systems, and donor milk.  Why don't we look at this the same as we do our other rights?

Breastfeeding is the biological norm, and (again no mommy wars here) everyone who wants to breastfeed should be supported in engaging in their right to do so.  The laws support breastfeeding, but the people do not.  Breastfeeding is seen as gross and something to be hidden.  Your baby is hungry in public?  I hope you've pumped your milk so you can give him a bottle.  You're hungry at the same time as your baby?  I hope you don't mind waiting to eat, so that you can go somewhere else to feed her because I don't want to watch you while I eat.  Your baby is hungry in public and there's no nursing room available?  I hope you don't mind feeding your baby where others are disposing of their bodily wastes and flushing toilets that spray germs up to 10 inches into the air that settle on bathroom surfaces and remain for more than 90 minutes.  These responses are not okay.  They are not supported by the breastfeeding laws or common human decency.  Let's start working towards a solution.

Babies need to eat.  No one is denying that.  Babies need to eat when they are hungry and do not have the ability to understand that their food source is stigmatized.  So the next time you are out and see a mother breastfeeding her baby in public, give her a smile, a thumbs up, or a supportive nod.  And if someone else gives her a grimace or tells her to cover up or go to the bathroom, suggest they mind their own business and let the family care for the baby in the way that is best for that baby.  Let her see the support that our society can give.  And do it whether you breastfeed or formula feed because we are all mothers doing the best we can with the knowledge we have.  And that's okay.

For more information on World Breastfeeding Week, visit www.worldbreastfeedingweek.org

Screen Free Wednesday

This year, my family participated in Screen Free Week for the first time.  It did amazing things for my family, so we decided to continue with a Screen Free Wednesday each week.  We have fallen off the wagon a bit, but we are getting back on.  We are starting homeschool on the 6th, and with that, we will reinstate Screen Free Wednesday.  I encourage you to pick a day and go screen free.  Set what works for your family, once a week, twice a week, twice a month, etc.

So what does a screen free day entail?  No TV, no movies, no internet, no video games, no computer.  It sounds daunting; believe me, I understand.  And it is because it seems so daunting that it is so necessary.  There is nothing more important in this world than the relationships you build.  And let me tell you, relationships are not built online!  Can you cultivate a relationship online?  Sure, but that's probably not what you are doing on there.  Maybe you are reading blogs (and please do!) or looking at Pinterest.  Maybe you are on Facebook or Twitter.  But you know where you aren't?  Present with the people in the room.  People often say presence is the best gift you can give your child.  I disagree.  I think presence is a necessity that should not be saved for special occasions.  Pull it out daily and give it freely.

The next screen free week is scheduled for April 29th through May 5th of 2013.  Leading up to that week, I will be posting ideas for activities to do with your family, and each Thursday, I will try to recap our Screen Free Wednesday activities from the previous day so that you and your family can have some ideas for your own screen free day.


Take a little time to disconnect to reconnect.  Your family will thank you!

Homeschool Planning

To plan my homeschool year, I put together an order of activities for reading, writing, and math because they are more linear subjects.  Then I put together unit studies with science and social studies.  I try to tie them together as much as possible, but I don't want to move on in math until the current skill is mastered.

Our weekly schedule is going to be
Calendar, Story, Song, Reading, Writing, and Math daily.
Science is Monday and Wednesday and alternating Fridays.
Social studies is Tuesday and Thursday and alternating Fridays opposite of Science.
Art and P.E. are daily, while music is Tuesday and Thursday and Spanish is Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  Overall, we have school scheduled for about 2 and a half hours a day.

This is of course subject to change as we find our groove.  I function better with a schedule, so that I know I get everything in.  Monkey Man benefits from the routine, without which he gets frustrated.  At this point it seems like Squeaky Bear is going to be more of a "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of person.  That will make homeschooling the two of them together in a couple of years very interesting!

We will be starting on August 6th this year.  I haven't quite decided on the break schedule.  A friend over at The Homeschool in the Loft, just did a post about her yearly schedule where she will do 3 weeks on 1 week off.  That intrigues me.  I may do a 3.5 weeks on, 1/2 week off for now, but let it be totally adaptable to vacations and educational trips.  I will be doing a lighter schedule during the summer, but will not totally give up the schooling.

How do you plan your year?
What is your schedule like?
When are you starting?

Book Review: Triskellion

Triskellion by Will Peterson; Ages: 10 and Up


I got my nephew a book for Christmas, and he told me a couple of weeks later that he hadn't read it yet because the killer bees on the cover made him think it was scary.  I decided to read the book myself, so that I could let him know if it was scary.

After reading Triskellion, I let him know that it was not even as scary as Harry Potter, a series that he had read in its entirety.  Also, the bees on the cover are regular honey bees.  One of the characters is a bee keeper.

Can I just say that I loved this book?  It may be for preteens, but I was hooked and finished it in 3 days - good-bye clean house! :-)

Triskellion begins as we find out that the two main characters, twins Rachel and Adam Newman are going to spend the summer with their maternal grandmother in England because their parents are going through a divorce.  The kids don't really know their grandmother, and when they arrive in Triskellion, everything seems very strange to them.  Then a mysterious boy named Gabriel starts showing up.  The twins quickly befriend him, and the adventure begins.  Triskellion has a secret, and the Newmans are determined to find out what it is.  Of course, they get into some trouble and even a few dangerous situations along the way.


I don't want to give too much away because this book is definitely one you should read!  Peterson draws you in with a quick pace, believable characters, and captivating dialogue.  Triskellion should be in every book lover's collection, young and old alike.

The best part - it's a trilogy.  I can't wait to read Triskellion 2: The Burning.


This blog post was originally published on my former blog on January 28, 2011.

Day Zero Project Udate!

It's been a little more than 5 months since I started the Day Zero Proejct.  It's time for another update!  I'd love for you to join in and make your own list.  If you blog about your list, let me know!  You can also follow people's lists on the Day Zero Project website, so feel free to leave your name in the comments, so we can follow you!

Date started: February 10, 2012
Date to be finished: November 7, 2014

Bold is completed.  Italics is in progress.

Sleep under the stars Leave an inspirational note inside a book for someone to find Go camping Watch 26 movies I've never seen starting with each letter of the Alphabet (11/26) Tie a note to a balloon and let it go Get a massage Go on a picnic Ride in a hot air balloon Buy a lottery ticket Have a baby Go on a cruise Go horseback riding Write a book Go ice skating Host a dinner party See a drive-in movie Clean out my closet Write a short story Learn to knit Sing karaoke at a bar Climb to the top of a tree and take a picture of the view Visit an old teacher Throw all of the world’s countries in a hat and pick 10. Read a book on each country’s history. Learn how to play one song on the guitar Participate in NaNoWriMo Play paintball Take a random road trip Lose 20lbs (from 146) (4/20) Clean out/organize my closet Make 10 items pinned on Pinterest (0/10) Write a list of 101 things I’ve already achieved in this lifetime (0/101) Read 50 new books (8/50) Organize the kitchen Go on a wine tour Play Mini Golf with my family Keep a “My Day in Six Words” journal for 6 months Write down 100 things that make me happy (0/100) Create an inspiration board Have dinner by candlelight Have a romantic weekend away in a log cabin Dance in the rain Become fluent in Spanish Relearn Japanese Go through closet and get rid of old clothes Write a letter to an old friend Write a screenplay Write a love letter to my husband Write a book of poems Write a children's book Get rid of 100 things (100/100) Choose 10 countries and read a book by an author from each (0/10) Take a photo of the same place every month for year and then turn it into a calendar for the next year Join a community garden Memorize the presidents in order Make fresh pasta Play a new board game Go Geocaching Put together a disaster preparedness kit Host a New Years Eve dinner party at home Learn to read music Write at least 1 blog post per week (6/143) Track every penny spent Start a book club Teach my son to read Get back into exercising at least 4 times a week Start a quarterly game night Have a homemade Christmas Build my kids' library to 500 books (300/500)-This is actually higher, but I haven't counted recently Learn how to use a DSLR camera well Start a compost pile Plant a garden Plant a tree Sell books to 3 libraries or schools (0/3) Go on a family vacation Write a letter to myself to open in 10 years Go to a wine tasting Do 20 Usborne Book Shows (5/20) Go 1 week with no TV or movies Learn the names of all the countries in the world Quit drinking soda Start a new tradition Pay off my new car Sing karaoke Get a dog Organize e-mail (delete a lot) Organize my bedroom Organize the office Organize my kids' toys Write a non-fiction book Learn to play the piano Detail my husband's car for him as a surprise twice a year Teach my son to write Complete a weekly marriage builder Form an advertising network Try 5 new restaurants (0/5) Put in new floors Mail Christmas gifts on time Bake something for 10 friends "just because" (0/10) Find a system for organizing all of my papers Get my husband to do a 101 in 1001 list Make a new 101 in 1001 list

I've been reading a lot!  And I didn't count the new children's books that I have read.  I still need to get those movie and book reviews going!

What's on your list?  How are you progressing?

Keeping the Marriage Alive: Couple Meetings

It is so important to me that my husband and I keep our marriage a top priority!  We see so many people divorcing, and it breaks our hearts.  We both came from divorced families.  So when we got married we promised each other to work through anything because this marriage is forever.  Some of the things we do to keep our marriage alive are allowing open communication, going to bed at the same time every night, (almost) weekly date nights, and having a weekly couple meeting,

When you know that you aren't going to be left for expressing your opinion - positive or negative - it makes it so much easier to have open communication.  And it allows you to feel so free and loved when you don't have to hide who you are from your spouse!

We make a point to go to bed at the same time as each other because it helps maintain intimacy.  Whether we go to bed and read or go to bed and sleep, having you spouse there is a wonderful feeling.

We try to have weekly date nights.  Sometimes these are going out without the kids, sometimes it is a family date, and sometimes it is a mini date at home after the boys are asleep.  It is so important to keep your romance alive through the hustle and bustle of work, children, and household obligations.

More on those three things in future posts, but today I want to talk about couple meetings.  These are a great way to check in on each other and the marriage.  Each week on Wednesday night after the boys are in bed, we sit together on the couch or in our bed with no TV, no radio, and no computer.  I have a notepad that sits on our refrigerator during the week, and I use it to take notes.  Everyone's couple meeting looks different.  The important part is to make sure you both have an opportunity to be heard.

Our meeting starts with a weekly check-in.  We both read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman and determined our own love languages.  Now each week we ask each other how full the love tank is.  We compare it to the previous week and try to determine what worked to raise it or why it decreased.  Then we each give our high point and low point for the week.  These may relate to each other, but they can be about anything (kids, work, friends, other family, etc.).

After our weekly check-in, we discuss the week's marriage builder.  For example, the first month we did these meetings, we discussed The Five Love Languages and the languages of apology.  We made lists of what would help fill each of our love tanks.  A future plan for a marriage builder is to keep a journal on the fridge in which we would each write a weekly letter to each other (more on that in another post).  Another future marriage builder we have planned is to read and discuss Mapping the Terrain of the Heart::Passion, Tenderness, and the Capacity to Love by Stephen Goldbart and David Wallin.  Currently we are doing 15 Minute Marriage Makeover.  It doesn't matter what your marriage builder is as long as it is something that helps you focus on keeping your marriage strong or improving areas that could use a little help.


After our marriage builder, we take care of household business.  We talk about the kids - some weeks it's about Monkey Man's eating (he's a notoriously picky eater) or Squeaky Bear's difficulty separating from me and some week's it's about their new accomplishments.  It's basically a check-in on how things are going with the kids and what we need to work on with them.  Then we talk about the budget.  We're in the process of moving our funds from a bank to a credit union, I have some side jobs that bring in income that's not budgeted, we're deciding if we can afford baby #3, etc.  He earns most of the money, and I make sure the bills get paid and the shopping is done, so we check in so that he knows what's going on with our finances.

Finally we work on our weekly to do lists.  We check that we did everything on last week's list (this is why the notepad hangs on the fridge - easy access to check what's on our list).  Then we make a list for the new week.  These are tasks in addition to our normal daily tasks.  For instance, one week G's list was to hang bookshelves in the boys' room and to clear out the compost pile.  My list was to hang the chore chart and work on a new way of organizing the boys' room.


We also leave room for anything else that comes up to be discussed.  Since we have started doing these weekly meetings our relationship seems stronger than ever.  And you can tell when we've skipped our meetings because things just don't flow as easily.


Do you make a point to have a "meeting" with your spouse?  How often?

PreSchool Planning

I am in homeschool planning mode!  I was up until 3:30 AM organizing materials.  I am so excited!

Because I plan to post our activities and lesson plans, I wanted to provide you all with a list of my curriculum choices as well as where you can get them.  That way, if you like an activity and want the curriculum/book/etc. to go with it, you will know where to get it.

Here is my updated list:

PreSchool 2012-2013

Reading

The Learning Journey Match It (Upper and Lower Case Letters)

Sing, Spell, Read and Write : PreK Readiness Program

Funnix - We downloaded this for free in February, but I am not sure if they will do another free offering

Leapfrog Leap Reader - You know the monster reading program that Leapfrog had before the TAG readers? Yep, we have one of those.

Usborne Very First Reading Set

Leveled Readers (if we get to these, I have a 6 or 7 for him).

Magnetic Letters - to use on the friedge or dry-erase board


Writing

Disney The Alphabet - I can't find a picture, but I bought it at Dollar Tree a year ago. It's Aladdin. I love Aladdin!

*Mrs. Potato Head Alphabet Workbook (PlaySkool PreSchool Workbooks)

Early Learning Activities, Grades PreK (Skill Building)

More Skill-Building Early Learning Activities, Grades PreK


Sing, Spell, Read and Write : PreK Readiness Program 

Funnix - We downloaded this for free in February, but I am not sure if they will do another free offering

Fun and Learning Box Preschool (Giant Basic Skills)

ABC & 123 Writing Pad from Dollar Tree

Wipe-Clean123

Wipe-Clean Alphabet

Wipe-Clean First Letters

Math
Beginning Counting with Mother Goose, Grades PreK-K (Learning Line)

Disney I Can Learn with Pooh Educational Early Skills Workbook ~ Shapes & Sizes

*Mr. Potato Head Numbers Workbook (Playskool Preschool Workbooks)

*Playskool Preschool Shapes Workbook


Early Learning Activities, Grades PreK (Skill Building) 

More Skill-Building Early Learning Activities, Grades PreK 


Get Ready for Kindergarten Numbers - I don't remember where I got this, and I cannot so far locate it online.

The Learning Journey Match It (Counting)

Fun and Learning Box Preschool (Giant Basic Skills) 

Play Money

Wipe Off Clock - We bought this in the Target Dollar Spot a while back.

The old Leapfrog Reader thing

Measuring Wipe-Off Sheet - I'm not even sure where it came from

ABC & 123 Writing Pad - from Dollar Tree,

Wipe-Clean123

Telling the Time

Science

Early Learning Activities, Grades PreK (Skill Building) 

More Skill-Building Early Learning Activities, Grades PreK 

Nature cards - these came free in the mail unsolicited as a way to get us to purchase the series or something.I think we have around 10 of them.

Flip-Flap Body Book

The Butterfly

Pipkin Series - This series is really math and science:
How Big is a Million?

How High is the Sky?

How Deep is the Sea? 

How Big Was a Dinosaur?

Where Do Baby Animals Come From?

 Look Inside Science

Rock Formation Kit - I got a couple of these at either Dollar Tree or in the Target dollar spot a little bit ago.

Social Studies

Stories From Around the World for Little Children

Dragons

Art

*Playskool Preschool Colors Workbook

Early Learning Activities, Grades PreK (Skill Building) 

More Skill-Building Early Learning Activities, Grades PreK 

Fun and Learning Box Preschool (Giant Basic Skills) 

Music

Randy wants to learn to play guitar, so we will be working on that. I haven't picked a method or book yet, so if you have suggestions please feel free to let me know!

P.E.

Subway Get Fit Kit - You order this online and specify you are a homeschool.  It comes with pedometers and a book of activities.


We will also be playing outside and using other means of physical education!




Spanish

Easy Spanish Words Sticker Book

* These books can also be bought in a set: Playskool PreSchool Workbook 4-Pack .


The Fine Print: I am an Independent Educational Consultant for Usborne Books & More, so these books link to my website.  Feel free to search for the books by name if you do not want to purchase from me.  Additionally, other links may be affiliate links, which basically means that if you purchase something through my link, I get a percentage of your purchase for referring you.  I appreciate the support if you do click through my links, as I am providing the activities and information to you for free and using my links does not increase your purchase price!