Perfect Conditions

"You can't sit around waiting for perfect conditions, or you'll never get anything done."

I'm sure we've all heard it a thousand times. And on some level, I'm sure we all believe it too. But still, we make excuses.

"After the baby is born, I'll have more time."

"Once I graduate, I'll focus on my family."

"The next promotion will mean enough money to get started."

"When the kids are older..."

"When I quit my job..."

"Next year it will happen."

"Next week will be better."

"I'll start tomorrow."

But guess what?  Each time one of these creeps up on us, it's met with a new stipulation.  And somehow years have passed, and we haven't accomplished our goals.  Tomorrow never came.

Life is finite, and not only is it finite, it's short.  Really, really short. But we piddle away the minutes on mindless games and wasted what ifs.

I'm ready to change that.

Not because conditions are perfect.  Not even because one of my stipulations has been met.  But because I deserve it, my family - my husband, my kids - we all deserve it.  What is this "it" I am so sure we deserve?  It's not perfection, but it's the closest I can provide.

We deserve healthy, home-cooked meals.  We deserve fit bodies that can carry us through however many years we have left.  I deserve a chance to be me and not just my husband's wife and my sons' mom.  They deserve a mom and wife who's happy and not as stressed as the one they have now.

Striving for perfection - that's stressful.  If you're anything like me, the thought of it shuts you down.  So I won't strive to be perfect, but I will promise to do the best I can every moment of every day.  I will promise to go easy on myself and stop beating myself up when my best is not as good as I think it should be and when it's not 100% of my resources.  Because sometimes to be the best I can for them means saving a little piece for me.

So I'm replacing my "what ifs", my "when conditions are perfects", and my "if I can't do it perfectly, I might as well quits" with this new daily mantra.

Today I will wake up and be ready to give it my all.

Today I will give my husband and children the attention and love they deserve.

Today I will work hard to make our house a home.

Today I will exercise and nourish my body with healthy food.

Today I will strive for excellence in everything I do.

Today I will prepare for tomorrow.

Today I will take the steps necessary to meet my goals.

Today I will forgive myself for my shortcomings.

Today I will not let my guilt and fear of failure hold me back.

Today I will love me."

So there it is in black and white - the promise I make to myself every morning when I wake up.  I encourage all of you to create your own daily mantra.  Positive thoughts lead to positive actions.  When we let go of fear, guilt, and regret, we are able to move forward and make the most of this finite life we've been given.

Screen Free Wednesday

This year, my family participated in Screen Free Week for the first time.  It did amazing things for my family, so we decided to continue with a Screen Free Wednesday each week.  We have fallen off the wagon a bit, but we are getting back on.  We are starting homeschool on the 6th, and with that, we will reinstate Screen Free Wednesday.  I encourage you to pick a day and go screen free.  Set what works for your family, once a week, twice a week, twice a month, etc.

So what does a screen free day entail?  No TV, no movies, no internet, no video games, no computer.  It sounds daunting; believe me, I understand.  And it is because it seems so daunting that it is so necessary.  There is nothing more important in this world than the relationships you build.  And let me tell you, relationships are not built online!  Can you cultivate a relationship online?  Sure, but that's probably not what you are doing on there.  Maybe you are reading blogs (and please do!) or looking at Pinterest.  Maybe you are on Facebook or Twitter.  But you know where you aren't?  Present with the people in the room.  People often say presence is the best gift you can give your child.  I disagree.  I think presence is a necessity that should not be saved for special occasions.  Pull it out daily and give it freely.

The next screen free week is scheduled for April 29th through May 5th of 2013.  Leading up to that week, I will be posting ideas for activities to do with your family, and each Thursday, I will try to recap our Screen Free Wednesday activities from the previous day so that you and your family can have some ideas for your own screen free day.


Take a little time to disconnect to reconnect.  Your family will thank you!

Keeping the Marriage Alive: Couple Meetings

It is so important to me that my husband and I keep our marriage a top priority!  We see so many people divorcing, and it breaks our hearts.  We both came from divorced families.  So when we got married we promised each other to work through anything because this marriage is forever.  Some of the things we do to keep our marriage alive are allowing open communication, going to bed at the same time every night, (almost) weekly date nights, and having a weekly couple meeting,

When you know that you aren't going to be left for expressing your opinion - positive or negative - it makes it so much easier to have open communication.  And it allows you to feel so free and loved when you don't have to hide who you are from your spouse!

We make a point to go to bed at the same time as each other because it helps maintain intimacy.  Whether we go to bed and read or go to bed and sleep, having you spouse there is a wonderful feeling.

We try to have weekly date nights.  Sometimes these are going out without the kids, sometimes it is a family date, and sometimes it is a mini date at home after the boys are asleep.  It is so important to keep your romance alive through the hustle and bustle of work, children, and household obligations.

More on those three things in future posts, but today I want to talk about couple meetings.  These are a great way to check in on each other and the marriage.  Each week on Wednesday night after the boys are in bed, we sit together on the couch or in our bed with no TV, no radio, and no computer.  I have a notepad that sits on our refrigerator during the week, and I use it to take notes.  Everyone's couple meeting looks different.  The important part is to make sure you both have an opportunity to be heard.

Our meeting starts with a weekly check-in.  We both read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman and determined our own love languages.  Now each week we ask each other how full the love tank is.  We compare it to the previous week and try to determine what worked to raise it or why it decreased.  Then we each give our high point and low point for the week.  These may relate to each other, but they can be about anything (kids, work, friends, other family, etc.).

After our weekly check-in, we discuss the week's marriage builder.  For example, the first month we did these meetings, we discussed The Five Love Languages and the languages of apology.  We made lists of what would help fill each of our love tanks.  A future plan for a marriage builder is to keep a journal on the fridge in which we would each write a weekly letter to each other (more on that in another post).  Another future marriage builder we have planned is to read and discuss Mapping the Terrain of the Heart::Passion, Tenderness, and the Capacity to Love by Stephen Goldbart and David Wallin.  Currently we are doing 15 Minute Marriage Makeover.  It doesn't matter what your marriage builder is as long as it is something that helps you focus on keeping your marriage strong or improving areas that could use a little help.


After our marriage builder, we take care of household business.  We talk about the kids - some weeks it's about Monkey Man's eating (he's a notoriously picky eater) or Squeaky Bear's difficulty separating from me and some week's it's about their new accomplishments.  It's basically a check-in on how things are going with the kids and what we need to work on with them.  Then we talk about the budget.  We're in the process of moving our funds from a bank to a credit union, I have some side jobs that bring in income that's not budgeted, we're deciding if we can afford baby #3, etc.  He earns most of the money, and I make sure the bills get paid and the shopping is done, so we check in so that he knows what's going on with our finances.

Finally we work on our weekly to do lists.  We check that we did everything on last week's list (this is why the notepad hangs on the fridge - easy access to check what's on our list).  Then we make a list for the new week.  These are tasks in addition to our normal daily tasks.  For instance, one week G's list was to hang bookshelves in the boys' room and to clear out the compost pile.  My list was to hang the chore chart and work on a new way of organizing the boys' room.


We also leave room for anything else that comes up to be discussed.  Since we have started doing these weekly meetings our relationship seems stronger than ever.  And you can tell when we've skipped our meetings because things just don't flow as easily.


Do you make a point to have a "meeting" with your spouse?  How often?